Dear Answers,

When I was younger my parents were always really strict, and I figured, okay, I get it, I’m in high school, so I just accepted it. Now I’m 20 years old, I’m in my second year in college and I’m responsible. Even though I’m now an adult, they still treat me like a kid.

I have a midnight curfew, and my parents have a tracker on my phone so they always know where I am. I know they love me and want to protect me, but they are really driving me crazy. I’m a responsible adult now, how can I make my parents see that?

-Needing Freedom

Dear Freedom,

It sounds like you’re in a tough situation. You feel like you are trying to do what your parents ask of you, but they aren’t showing you the respect that you show them.

If you feel like one parent might be more receptive, you can make your case to that parent first, and hopefully gain an ally who will help you speak to the other parent.  If they are equally strict, then sit them down together.

Begin by letting them know how much you respect them, and that you want them to trust and respect you in return.

Point out that you are the responsible young person that you are, because of their great parenting, and that you need a little bit more freedom so that you can be the adult that you have grown into.

Give them solid examples of responsible decisions that you are making, like choosing friends that share your values, and putting your studies before socializing.

They are most likely to grant you more freedom if it comes in small doses, so choose a small thing to ask for first, like a later curfew.

If you are responsible with your new privilege, it will help to prove you’re ready for even more freedom, like turning off the tracking service on your phone. I know it must be tempting to just shout “I’m an adult, I can do what I want!” but we both know that the reality is that as long as you live with your parents — and even after —  you have to keep things on good terms.

Be patient and ask for more freedom bit by bit, and they will be much more likely to be open minded. By approaching them with a reasonable and respectful tone, your maturity will become all the more obvious.  Be careful not to make them regret loosening their hold on you, because if you do,  regaining trust in the future will be that much more difficult.

Good Luck!

Here to answer your pressing questions.  Relationship issues? Family tension? Wondering how to get involved on campus? If you ask, I will do my best to answer. Submit questions to [email protected], with “Asking for Answers” in the subject line.