Vice, dude, what’s up man? Why are you selling out to The Man, man? You were, like, founded off of bringing down The Man, dude, but now you’re, like, giving yourself over to The Man and getting your own television channel.

You used to be cool, dude. Now you’ve changed. I don’t know if we can ever go back to the way it was…

I mean, you still have your awesomely weird articles posted all over your website, and that’s cool, but you know having your own television channel means that you’re, like, an advertiser’s slave now.

I mean, I don’t know that you’re going to have commercials…but from your statement, it sure seems like it dude: “Today we are thrilled to announce our latest venture – VICELAND – a 24-hour cable channel featuring hundreds of hours of new programming.” If you’re going to be a basic cable channel, bro, that like means you’re going to have commercials…which is, like, totally not you, man.

If you used the word “premium” you wouldn’t have commercials, but without that word, you’re basically every other news channel: CNN, FOX, MSNBC, AL JAZEERA, etc.

All those companies are, like, funded by people who want to conceal information from the public…to keep their image intact. And that’s gonna be you too, dude, if you have commercials and stuff man.

Now Vice, dude, bro, homie, you’re not going to be able bring down companies like Monsanto, Nestle, and big oil; because, like, they’re going to be giving you money for your channel…and advertisers get to censor information if they’re paying for your channel, bro.

So, like, why not just be happy staying online and on HBO? Then you don’t have to compromise your news stories. You know what I mean, dude?

Can we just go back to the way things were Vice? I just don’t want you to change, bro; and you are changing, man. Big companies are going to ruin you, dude.